Friday, February 26, 2010

When I grow up

There are many different jobs we all have to do. I remember being young (barely) and wondering about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I remember dreaming of being a marine biologist, a doctor and even a computer programmer. Ok that last one I don't "remember", but I found it in an "about the author" section of a short story I wrote for school. The funny thing is that I was a computer programmer (would that be past tense or is it once a programmer, always a programmer?) for a while. I ended up with a wonderful career in the Information Technology department as an Analyst. The funny thing was that just as I was getting a career established, I didn't want it anymore. All I wanted to be was a Mom. It turns out that this is the most wonderful job in the entire world! It is the hardest job I have had by far. My character, which is being watched constantly by my girls, is constantly being tested. I have to pray for guidance and wisdom that only God can provide every morning (and several times throughout the day). Most days I fail in some sense - but it is so rewarding when my 4 year old snuggles up next to me to read a book or I get an open-mouth, super wet kiss on the cheek from the baby. Who could ask for more? I know that I am molding and shaping the lives of my girls and I don't trust anyone else to take on this task. I want them to grow in their love and knowledge of God and I want them to grow to love each other. I want them to have a the relationship that I dream of having with my own sisters. I want them to work with me and serve other people and share the love of Jesus.

Above all, I am thankful that my wonderful husband is willing to sacrifice as well and allow me to stay home with the girls. Now, I just pray that I don't mess it up.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Closed doors

It used to be that when one door "of life" would close and another would open - that the closed door remained closed. In our day of modern technology - not only is the world getting smaller, but those closed doors keep opening. For instance, if you were to break off a relationship with someone and move to a different part of town (or even farther away), you could probably go the rest of your life without the awkwardness of bumping into that person again. Now say that relationship was a marriage that ended in divorce. If there were not any children involved, and you now live in different parts of the city - you would suppose that your paths would not cross. Not only are the husband and wife injured in a divorce, but many friendships are broken due to "taking sides". So not only would you not have to run into the "ex", but not any of the "used to be" friends either. No need to rehash all those hurt feelings of the friends liking the other person more than yourself. No need to humble yourself and say that you miss that friendship.

In comes Facebook (or myspace or whichever sort of online community you are involved with).

Now we get to face all those people we thought were behind closed doors all over again. Some of these are wonderful surprises. Friends from High School that I haven't seen in ages. Some people from High School that I wasn't necessarily "friends" with at the time, but have grown closer now that we are adults and don't have quite so many hormones getting in the way. But there are a few, not too many, just a few, that have popped up as a friend request or friend suggestion that stir up all those feelings - those feelings of self-pity, hurt, sadness.... What to do? Do I just ignore them? or do I seek out those friends of yesterday and attempt to reconcile what once was? Do I seek forgiveness for the hurt that I have caused?

In my flesh, I choose to ignore them (or worse yet, unfriend them).

In the Spirit, I choose to overlook the past, reconcile and seek forgiveness. The good Lord may be using a seemingless waster of time tool like facebook to force humility upon us (at least myself) and to not allow us to just close those doors of yesterday. Face the past and seek to cover it all in love - to grow closer and more like Jesus.

So is Facebook a waste of time - most days. But can I use it as a tool to grow in my walk with the Lord? Most assuredly.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

A blanket of snow in winter

The earth is cold, hard, dead and frozen.
A blanket of beautiful snow covers the earth. How glorious and wonderful! But merely external as the ground beneath is still cold, hard, dead and frozen, revealed by the melting snow.
Our souls, dark and depraved; seeking after pleasures that only lead to pain or even death.
Religion, a blanket of good works and deeds that look so beautiful and wonderful. But merely external as the soul beneath is still dark and depraved, revealed with time.