Drawing a Conclusion Pt 1

I admit it. I am a documentary addict. I love to learn and it turns out there are many, many documentaries available to watch {and from all different perspectives, so I must put on my thinking cap to separate truth from propaganda}.

I also love books, especially non-fiction books that glorify our great God and encourage my walk along the narrow path.

I am about to draw a conclusion that is disturbing, but at the same time, it is full of hope because I think I see a link. I'm going to introduce each piece of the pie as evidence.

Evidence #1

This past summer, I did a book study through the book, "Six Ways to Keep the Little in Your Girl" by Dannah Gresh. In chapter 8, she is encouraging parents to unplug their kids from electronic devices. She states that the lack of imaginative play eliminates {or decreases drastically} children's self-control. One example is a child's ability to stand still.

Before all the technical gadgets, TVs and gaming devices came along, a child ages 5 and above was able to stand still for an indefinite period of time. Can you imagine that? Can your child stand still for any amount of time? Now that our children are spending hours in front of screens, they have lost the ability to focus and stand still. They cannot self-regulate.

Sound familiar? I'll bet if you are a first grade teacher, you would understand this in a big way!


Evidence #2

Stay tuned...

A Time of Reflection, Pt 2

So 20 years ago, I was a High School senior dreaming of what I would be when I grew up and preparing to start tackling those dreams.

I pointed out in the previous post that, even though I would have told you that I was a Christian, I was not walking with the Lord at all. Mistake #1.

Fast forward 10 years. I am married {to an unbeliever - mistake #2}. After several months of trying, we are finally pregnant! We called everyone we knew to tell them the good news. We even came to an agreement on a name for the baby {if it were the boy we were hoping for}.

I had an early ultrasound since it was my first pregnancy. There we found out that we were not in fact pregnant. My body just thought that it was. The technical term is a blighted ovum, which means something went wrong during the fertilization and there was not a baby in the growing fetal sac.

Devastated. My entire world came crashing down. My foundation was built on shifting sand and it just imploded.

It hurt so badly and deeply to even think about, so I began to numb the pain. I escaped reality. I looked for anything or anyone that made life fun and happy, even if it was temporary. My husband was not being supportive or loving {I mean who could love the tornado I had turned into anyway}, so I looked for love in other places.

At the time, one of my best friends was also going through a very difficult emotional situation. We often referred to ourselves as train wrecks. We were out of control friends searching for anything to make us happy. I was a horrible influence on her and she was a horrible influence on me.

But we would have both told you that we were Christians.

10 years ago...

I lost the baby I longed for.

I ruined the marriage I thought would last forever.

I pushed everyone away and hurt anyone who dared get in my way of having fun.

I was on my way to breaking all 10 commandments.

I ran as far away from God as I possibly could.


God was going to show me that it took more than walking an aisle or being dunked in water to be a follower of Christ. I had to lose everything so that I could clearly see the glory and grace of God.

Whoever says “I know him”

but does not keep his commandments is a liar,

and the truth is not in him {1 John 2:4}

 

Whoever says he is in the light

and hates his brother

is still in darkness. {1 John 2:9}

 

Do not love the world or the things in the world.

If anyone loves the world,

the love of the Father is not in him. {1 John 2:15}

 

 

Ashamed and broken. Hurt and alone. I had broken so many hearts and I cannot even imagine how God was feeling at this point, looking down on the mess I had made of my life. It took a while to get back on the right path to God, but at least I was starting to search again. At least it was becoming very, very obvious that I needed to be back in church.

 

Hebrews 12 tells us, "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” 

 

I was not being punished for my sin - Jesus took care of all that on the cross. I was being disciplined in order that I might seek the Lord. I was being disciplined to save my life.

I am ashamed of my sin, but I am thankful for the Lord's forgiveness and mercy. My life has changed so much in the last 10 years that it is hard to remember who I used to be. Of course, there are ramifications to the sin I committed {mostly emotional scars and temptations for sin} that I will carry for my entire life - but I have found love, forgiveness, grace, mercy and eternal hope in Jesus.

Have you experienced forgiveness through Jesus? Do you know for sure that you will go to heaven when you die? If not, I highly suggest you learn more about Jesus and how to become a genuine Christian.

Do you ever take time to look at all you have been saved from and the person you used to be {the "old man"}? I think remembering who I was makes the salvation I find in Jesus even more sweet.

Blessings.

 

 

 

 

 

A Time of Reflection, Pt 1

This year, 2013, is going to be a very significant time in my life. It has only just started and I can already feel myself being pulled into thoughts of the past {some good, some not-so-good}. This is year marks the anniversary for so many different things in my life that I cannot help but be pulled back onto memory lane and view it through my current world view {aka, the lens of age and experience - imagine how thick those lenses will be when I am my grandparents' ages!}.

First, it means that 20 years ago, I was a Senior in High School. Ah! I know, I look so young {lol!)! But seriously, 20 years?! How on earth did 20 years fly by so quickly?!  I was not a popular kid or even an unpopular kid. I had many friends and a couple trusted BFFs. Of course, like any normal HS girl, I bounced around the thoughts of "love" for this boy or that boy, but there was not a significant "boyfriend" {until after I graduated}.

At 17, I thought I knew everything there was to know about everything. There are a few HUGE regrets I have {even though I know God uses it all for His glory and for my own good}.

Purity - Not having a good biblical view of purity and understanding why God has all these rules. I wish I had an understanding that went beyond the mean, legalistic, narrow-minded rules to the beautiful, God-honoring, pure view of marriage. When a person has a goal in mind, and that goal is beautiful, sacred, wonderful, fun, and secure, it makes the rules "worth it". But when there is  no goal in mind, the rules just seem unreasonably harsh and are easily thrown out the window with the "everybody else is doing it and they seem to be enjoying themselves - a LOT" kind of excuse. When you see how the beautiful, pure bride represents the church and the handsome, strong husband is Christ, it sheds a whole new light on marriage and relationships.

Knowledge vs. Relationship - Even though I thought I knew everything about everything as a teenager {and if I didn't, I had enough control of the English vocabulary to use an avalanche of words to convince anyone that I did - lol!} I did not have a full understanding about what it meant to be a Christian. Oh, I had read some of my Bible and been attending church, but it was not a sound bible teaching church and they didn't teach {or at least I didn't listen if they did} about what it means to have a relationship with Christ. They taught about sin and hell and that we all need a Savior {that's a good starting point}, but they didn't tell us what to do after we walked the aisle, confessed Christ as our Savior and were baptized.

Mom - One thing I regret most of all is the way I treated my Mom. My mother is a jewel. I know everyone thinks that about their Mom, but mine really is. We did not have an ideal situation at home, but my Mom was determined to keep our family together. She loved {and still does} my father so much and was willing to stand by him through extremely difficult decisions. At the time, I remember thinking {and actually saying to her - unfortunately} that she was the biggest doormat ever and there was no way I would ever let a man treat me that way! I recall times when my Mom would not make a decision about something until she could talk to my Dad and I would roll my eyes and give the big, full-body sigh {you know the one that gives the message that "I am so smart and you are so stupid"} in unbelief that she would respect or even care about what he thought.

Looking back - my Mom is an excellent example of a biblical, submissive wife. She is not perfect, but she tried her best to honor and respect my Dad, even if  I didn't think he deserved it. She loved him when he was unloveable. She took seriously those vows they said 38 years ago - for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to death do us part. The only way she was able to do this was by the grace of God. My Dad did not make it easy on her - but neither did I. That is the part that I regret. I wish I could have seen her through the eyes of Jesus. I would have helped her more instead of condemning her. I would have loved her more to help fill the painful wounds in her heart. I would have willfully helped out more {instead of begrudgingly}with my younger sisters. My mom truly is a jewel and I wish I could have seen her beauty when I was such a "smart" teen.

Dad - Ok, so I talked about my Mom, now I'll admit my regrets about my Dad. You can already tell that he wasn't perfect, but I love him so much! You see, we all have our own personal walks and some of us make decisions early in life that impact our entire walk on the Earth. We make decisions to be involved with things that are addictive or we are exposed to abuses as a child that impact how we handle life - some more than others. It is only by the {common} grace of God that we are not all partaking in the amount of wickedness that we are capable of.

With that being said, my Dad did a number of things that I am sure he regrets that were sinful and not godly. However, he did many good things. He is such a loving father and tried to make up for the difficult times by making sure we knew he loved us. Even though his walk wasn't perfect, he loves the Lord. He made sure that we knew God is the Creator of everything. He made sure we knew that we are all sinners in need of a Savior.

I regret not seeing my Dad as a person who was drowning in his own sinful choices. I only saw him through my self-centered agenda and concentrated on how he wasn't meeting MY needs. I didn't see him through the eyes of Jesus - Who loves my Dad unconditionally. Oh, Jesus hates the sin, but He loves my Dad. I needed to just love my Dad, too. I needed to be compassionate and loving, especially when he was broken.

You see, it wasn't that many years later that I was trapped by my own sinful choices and broken. I am thankful that Jesus was there to pick me up, instead of treating me like I treated my Dad - smug, self-righteous, know-it-all, I-told-you-this-was-going-to-happen. I love my Dad and am so very thankful that God chose him to be my father.

Sisters - I was so self-centered that I did not care much about my little sisters. I should have been a good role model and had a desire to mentor them. Did I? Nope. I was so selfish that I looked at them as burdens {since I had to watch them so much of the time}. Oh the regrets!!!  It breaks my heart to think of my daughters treating each other the way I treated my sisters. Amazingly, we are still friends today {even though we are not as close as some sisters are} and I pray this relationship will grow through the years. I would do almost anything for my sisters today, although because of past hurts, they do not tend to ask.

So basically I would have told you I was a Christian when I was a teenager, but I was ignoring the greatest commandments. I did not love God with my entire heart, soul, strength and mind and I did not love others more than myself.

We all have stories of regret. The key is deciding how to give it to God for the glory. Remember, if we are His child, He has allowed all of this for His glory and our good. I hate that all this happened, but God used it to shape who I am today. Without a gross picture of my own depravity, I would not see my need for a Savior.

This was 20 years ago; next up {and even more painful} is what happened 10 years ago...

Walk in a Manner Worthy of our King

As I am studying through Colossians with the Good Morning Girls, something popped out at me - mission statement for our family.  

Paul was praying for the Colossian believers and he prayed that they would

"be filled with the knowledge of His {God's} will

in all spiritual wisdom and understanding"...

Why? for what purpose? for what mission?

What a fantastic mission statement for our family!!


1. Walk in a manner worthy of our King - make wise decisions about the way we spend our time, money and energy.

2. Please Him in all respects - make an effort to live a righteous life and please the Lord. Even though we will all fail and are thankful for the grace that abounds, we still make it our effort to live godly lives.

3. Bear fruit in every good work - faith without works is dead! So we need to be busy for our Lord and doing good works {not just living a casual, complacent life}. This includes sharing the gospel {numero uno}, serving, encouraging, bearing with, forgiving, and loving on others, and doing our best to be at peace with all people. We can't just say we are doing these things, we need to bear fruit! So just do it.

4. Increase you knowledge of God - be in God's word. That is the only way to know Him. We need to make it a daily practice to be reading our Bibles and learning about God. Praying that He will open the eyes of our hearts to hear Him and understand the lessons that He has for us.


Do you have a mission statement for your family? Do you have it posted in your house? I think I may print this out and hang it in our living room so that we can keep it at the center of our decisions.

Influence from Friends

My husband and I have chosen to homeschool our darling daughters. This decision started for one particular reason, but has grown into a plethora of reasons. The main reason {now} is that we want to glorify God in all that we do.

In school, children learn much more than what the teacher puts on the blackboard. Yes, there are many controversial issues that Christians will battle the public school textbook on, for sure {evolution, young Earth, dinosaurs, God's hand in all of history}.  

We really are more concerned with the lessons that our daughters would learn in the hallways, lunchroom and bathrooms. The friendships they would develop. The influence these friends will have in their lives in regards to music, movie, TV shows, clothing, jewelry, make-up, and even the way they talk. Friends can be a very strong influence in a child's life and they should be chosen wisely. They can easily influence a person do live foolishly and take their eyes off of God.

 

Make no friendship with a man given to anger, 

nor go with a wrathful man,
lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

Proverbs 22:24-25

After reading "Six Ways to Keep the Little in Your Girl" this summer, I am also more aware of how Satan can use outside influences to harm the purity and sensitive consciences of our kiddos when they are very young. The younger they are when they are exposed to "cultural junk", the greater harm it can be. What may be OK for a 13 year old to watch, is confusing and even harmful for a 7 year old.

Homeschooling has been a great option because I can basically pick who our daughters are spending time with and therefore, have a great influence on the friendships they are developing. These are typically like-minded Christians from church and our co-op. It has been great!

One goal we had for the summer was to get to know our neighbors. This has proven to be challenging. They are not believers and since the live next door, it is hard to limit the time spent with the girls. It turns out that kids these days are very eager to spend time away from their homes - at least it seems that way when they knock on our backdoor 10 minutes after they get dropped off by the bus.

We have been very diligent to supervise conversations {so far}. There have been a couple of times where the girls next door do not understand why we do things differently {homeschool, not listening to pop music or watching certain shows}. But most of this has been pretty harmless.

Until last weekend.

There was a lot of chaos as our neighbors were having a big birthday party {and somehow all the kids wanted to play in our yard}. I looked out and noticed our 7 yr old and one of the neighbor girls weren't in the backyard. I sent the sister over to get them.

My daughter came home with a funny look on her face. I asked what they were doing and she said watching Martha Speaks on youtube. When I asked if that was all they watched, the tears streamed down her cheeks. She was very upset and very confused.

And I was getting angry....

What on Earth had the girl exposed my daughter to? They watched something  on youtube that has left my daughter very upset. What could it be??

She was so embarrassed that she didn't want to tell what it was.

I was getting angrier by the second, wrapped in compassion and love for my lil' girl.

It turns out that it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but because of her sensitive conscience {thankfully}, she was knew it was wrong to watch all the same.

So I had to have a talk with the friends next door. I had to explain what it meant that we are Christians.

But that'll be in the next post....stay tuned.

Have your kids been exposed to something from their friends that you weren't prepared for? Did a friend influence them to do something they shouldn't {or should have} have done?

I can remember so many choices that I made based on the bad influence from friends. Not blaming them because it was my own decision, but they presented me with options that I never would have thought of on my own.

Excess baggage

At our church's family conference this past summer, the speaker {Pastor Jerry Wragg} spoke about grace, love and unity in the body of Christ. In the last session, he specifically spoke in the different opinions believers have when it comes to the gray areas of the Christian life.

Although the Bible is the full council of God and the tool we need answer all of life's questions, it doesn't always say specifically "thou shalt do this" or "thou shalt not do that". That is what he referred to as a gray area.

Note: if the Bible does specifically say to {or not to} do something, that is not gray; it is black and white and our job is to obey {although that is sometimes easier said than done}.

An example is submitting to and respecting your husband. It is clear that we are to obey this command and that it is important since it is mentioned in more than one place. That doesn't make it easy, does it?

An example of a gray area is entertainment. The books we read. The songs we listen to. The movies we watch. Concerts. Sporting events. Spare time. The way we spend our money.

Pastor Wragg got me to thinking about these areas where we may not agree as believers. Some choose to live a more conservative lifestyle and others choose liberty.

The first and most important thing is to love one another, despite our differences. I listened to another pastor this morning point out that God could have made us all robots that follow Him without even thinking and without any personality differences. But He didn't and the church is a beautiful medley of differences in shape, size, color, age and sound. We glorify God when we live each other despite our different opinions.

When making entertainment choices, you might consider the following questions:

Is this something that will enhance your walk with Christ or drag you down? Is this something that promotes a sinful lifestyle?

But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. {Ephesians 4:20-24}

Does it leave you thinking certain sinful choices are not so bad {desensitization}? Does it celebrate something for which Christ died {violence, sex outside of a traditional marriage, cursing, blaspheming, disrespecting parents or government, lying, stealing, taking glory away from God}?

Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. {Romans 1:32}

Are you an influence to others, especially Christians that are early in their walk with the Lord and may be more vulnerable to temptation? Would your choice in entertainment be considered a stumbling block for another?

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.  {Romans 14:13-15}


As followers of Christ, we do not want to live sinful lifestyles and we certainly do not want to give approval to those who practice such.

We also don't want to make *seemingly* harmless choices that may hinder our walk with Christ or the walk of a younger Christian.

Some choices may not seem harmful, but they are just excess baggage on our walk with the Lord. Jesus came to make our burden light. Won't you follow after Him and leave the popular books, songs, TV shows and movies behind?

Even though these are personal choices and we shall not judge another by our own personal standards, we should seek the Lord's guidance when making decisions on how to spend our spare time and money.  

I mean, do you want to be found watching that show  when Christ returns?

You also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect. {Luke 12:40}

What do you think? Is there a show that you watch {or used to watch} on TV that promotes sinful lifestyles and maybe you have felt the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit to turn the TV off?

Have you ever walked out of a movie theater because of sinful content?

How do you teach your children to make wise choices?

Top Ten Things I learned from the book

I am finished with the summer book study of "Six Ways to Keep the "Little" in Your Girl " by Dannah Gresh. It was a fantastic book stuffed full of useful information. As a way of concluding the book study series, I put together a top ten list.

The Top Ten things I learned from "Six Ways to Keep the "Little" in Your Girl " by Dannah Gresh.

10. 1 Peter 5:8 tells us that our adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Don't let this be your little girl. The devil is not some red creature with pointy ears and a tail. No, he comes as the angel of light. He is crafty and knows how to tempt a little here and a little there - seemingly harmless. He comes camouflaged as cultural norms. He has desensitized the people into believing his lies. This book draws back the curtains of ignorance and opens our eyes to his schemes.

9. I always knew there was something wrong with Barbie, besides her crazy, unrealistic body proportions and now I know. Dannah tells us why {and now our Barbies are in the trash}.

8. My 3 yo and 7 yo both ask "why" all the time. Did you know that this has a different meaning depending on the age of your child? I didn't. I thought my 3 yo was being curious and my 7 yo was being defiant. Not so...find out what it means to ask "why" at 7.

7. I thought the only danger of this "growing up too early" culture was my daughter giving her heart and body away before she was married. There are other dangers such as eating disorders and depression. This book gives great advice for battling these dangers as well as premarital sex.

6. Do you ever feel like the lion in the Wizard of Oz? Do you need a dose of courage and strength? This book will empower you to say no to the culture and yes to the Lord. It gives valid proof of why certain things that seem so normal in our society are just plain WRONG. They are attacks from Satan and we need to be informed so that our conscience is informed and we are empowered to fight off the flaming darts {even when they come disguised as a "fun song" or "cute show" on TV}. 

5. Did you know that most teenage, Christian girls do not want to be Moms? That was me. I had no desire to have children as a teen and young adult. Thankfully the Lord has changed my own heart and we can learn {as Moms} to create the desire in our daughter's hearts to be mothers.

4. When is the right age for your daughter to date? Have you even thought about that yet? Will she go on group dates or alone with a boy {gulp}? When do you tell her the rules for dating? It turns out that you need to start thinking about this {and communicating it with her} when she is a tween so that she clearly understands the rules. The more she understands the rules when she is younger, the less {hopefully} she will fight about them when she is a teenager. 

3. Do you know how old your daughter will be when she has her first period? Did you know that you can be watching for clues? You sure can!

2. How will you have the important talks with your little girl? How will you tell her about her period? How will you tell her about the gift of sexuality and how this is a present for her future husband? How do you do this in a way that honors God, protects her innocence but equips her with the best information to fight temptation? How do you not scare her to death and breed self-loathing when talking about her period? How do teach her to stay as far away from any boy-girl relationship, but prevent her from thinking she is terrible because she thinks they are kinda cute?

1. The most important lesson I got from this book is that the best thing I can do for my girls is to be the parent. Be there for their questions. Be there for the fun times. Talk to them about these things in a God honoring manner. Cover them in love so they are not out seeking it from another source. Create a fun environment so they want to stay home and play with friends instead of always going to another house {this requires me letting go of some control issues I have - eek!}. Parent - child connectedness {and lots and lots of prayer} is the number one weapon in protecting her purity and helping her love who God made her to be.


There is a companion book for little boys, "Six Ways to Keep the "Good" in Your Boy " that I didn't think I needed to read, but.... God has put a little neighbor boy in our life and I am thinking this might be a good way to equip myself for conversations I might have with him. He is a very sweet boy {reminds me of my nephew}. I am not sure how long he will be in our lives but we pray for him and hope that we can be a light in his life. And if he is going to be hanging around my girls, I need him to be a "good boy".  {*wink*}

Did you read the book? What was the most interesting thing you learned? Did anything make you go "WOW!"?

Here are some great resources you might enjoy...
       

Keep the Little in Your Girl Pt 7

"Six Ways to Keep the "Little" in Your Girl" - Dream with her about her Prince.

"68 % of Christian girls {public, private and homeschooled} say they'd be happier if they had a boyfriend"

"Approximately 50% of 16 year old girls are sexually active and an overwhelming percentage are boy-crazy."

"Here's the challenge: You want to keep her off the boy-crazy train while at the same time developing within her a love for marriage. How do you do this?

You do it by being positive about boys and telling her about what she can have in the future - not by being paranoid about boys and telling her what she can't have now. Dream with her about the pure relationship God wants her to have one day, and teach her that the beauty of that relationship depends on how she lives today."

A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

{Proverbs 31:10-12}

Have you ever noticed that it says "all the days of her life"? That means when she is 5, 13, 18, and 25. That includes the time before she even meets her husband. How can she possibly bring her husband good when she is just a little girl?

"That may mean not being boy-crazy when she's 8, or giving her heart away to guys when she's 13, or giving her body away when she's 16."

I never thought of it that way but it makes perfect sense. Of course it does, it is from the Lord, right?

So don't condemn her for thinking boys are cute, just use that energy to get her dreaming of the plan that God has for her. We know He has a perfect plan!

One thing that Dannah stresses is communicating the rules and values you and your husband have for the family before the time comes when you need to enforce them. This helps your daughter to know where the boundaries are {and why} before she wants to out with that guy on a date {or do whatever else...}.

She suggests having "the talk" about the birds and bees before your daughter is 10 {whew, I have some time!}. The exact age depends on what your child is exposed to. One thing to consider is, "by ten or eleven years, many children who have not received adequate instructions about the facts of sexuality become disturbed and worry about what is real. They usually have heard bits and pieces of facts from peers." {Jimmy Hester, founder of True Love Waits}

The greater the chance that your daughter may hear about sex from peers {public school, older siblings}, the younger you need to have "the talk". You do not want your timidity on the subject to create confusion in your daughter.

"Talking to your children about sex

between the ages of six and ten

isn't a moral choice,

it's a strategic choice.

It is much easier to build a sexual value system

from the ground up

than to dismantle untruths and rebuild."

A Connecting Mom is not a Perfect Mom.

I loved this chapter! After reading this book, I got the feeling that the author did everything perfectly and that it is a goal that is unachievable by me - regular Mom who fails on a daily basis.

This chapter is about being that regular Mom. It is about how we all fail, but with God's grace and help, this can happen.

But only with the power of God. So we need to be fervent in our prayers for our daughters and ourselves as their parents. We need to seek His ways {even in our own walks} and avoid what the world declares "popular".


How old were your kids when you had "the talk"? Did it go well? This is one thing that makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I know that it is much better to have open lines of communication so I will just put a bag on my head and force the words out. ha ha! I actually do think I'll use some books to help with the conversation and be reading some of the additional resources that Dannah lists in the book.

If you have a story - I'd love to hear about it!! Please, please comment. :)

Hungry

I have come to realize that I am never truly hungry. Oh, I may hear my tummy rumble in the morning (seconds before I fill it up with hot coffee) - but I am not truly hungry.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I looked back at some of the pictures of the kids from Haiti and thought about how some of these kids know what that means.

They have been so hungry that it feels like their stomach would just chew through their skin.

They have been so hungry that they would eat anything put in front of them {including dirt}.
They know what it is like to watch someone die from malnutrition and starvation. 

They know what it means to have to give up a baby brother or sister because there isn't enough food to feed another mouth.

But me, I am not hungry. Whenever I feel the slightest lull in energy or tummy rumble, I open the cabinet doors and look for a snack.

I want this to change. I never want to wallow in the blessing the Lord has given me so that it turns into a curse. I don't want to take any resources for granted {although I am sure this is inevitable to some degree}.

Once a month, I am going to start fasting. This is in no way shape or form even close to what the Haitians (or other impoverished peoples of the world) experience, but it is a start.

As my tummy rumbles on this day, I want my thoughts to quickly turn into prayers.

Prayers for self-control. It would be so easy just to put a little morsel in my mouth.
Prayers for the people of the world who face true hunger.
Prayers specifically for those influenced by Three Angels Children's Relief in Haiti.
Prayers for opportunities to help.

I am not going to write about when I am fasting - that would defeat the purpose a bit. Jesus tells us to beware of letting others know about our fasting:

And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. {Matthew 6:16-18}

But if you would like to choose your own {secret} day of fasting each month, I am sure the Lord will bless that and use it for good.

Won't you join me in experiencing just a tiny bit of what it means to be hungry - for maybe the first time in your entire life?!

Keeping the Little in Your Girl Pt 6

Part 6 of "Six Ways to Keep the "Little" in Your Girl " covers chapters 8 and 9.



Unplug her!

"The average tween girl will absorb 38 hours a week of video games, computer time, music, television, radio, and print. If she is at a public or private school for another 35 hours a week, that doesn't leave you much time to be the primary molder of her value system. What's a Mom to do?"

Unplug her! Back away from the screens and media swallow your little girl whole!

Dannah {author} suggests the following:

1. Set limits in terms of screen time - this includes all screens such as computers, iPods, TV, gaming systems, and movies.

2. Turn off all screens during mealtimes. I cannot even imagine watching TV during dinner, but I know many families do. This is such a great time to talk {and listen} to each family member. What a special time!

3. Set a good example by being physically active and by limiting your own screen time {gulp}. Yes, our children are watching. The greatest lesson they learn is the one they see us living out each day. It is good to turn off the screens {even my little smartphone} and take time to play with the kids and be busy working in our home. That is my job, isn't it?

When your kids are watching TV or on the computer, make sure you know what they are watching. Use it as teachable moments when there is an example of sin and help her interpret the messages as the media attempts to brainwash her. You should even pre-screen some things before she is even allowed to look at it. Dannah had some of the lyrics from a Lady Gaga song and wow! I cannot believe any parent would allow their child to listen to that *stuff*.

Also be sure to address what it means to be truly beautiful as she is watching these teen pop stars on TV. No one looks like they do on TV {even the pop stars themselves} in real life. It seems to be more and more of a struggle to have a healthy body image with these twiggy stars on every magazine cover with flawless faces and incredible hair. It is no wonder that "one-third of 10-year-old girls are worried about their weight."

Be sure she knows that even though man looks at the outer appearance, God looks at the heart. That is what is truly important.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. {Proverbs 31:30}

Unbrand her!

Don't let the media tell her what looks cool and that it is OK to run around in super short shorts and tank tops that used to be considered underwear! I am appalled when I go out and see what little clothing {and large amounts of make-up} these little girls are wearing - and they are with their parents!! It isn't like they are even sneaking out of the house and changing how they look in the mall bathroom.

The Lord tells us that, "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." {1 Peter 3:3-4}

It is ok to want to look nice, but this does not have to involve showing so much flesh and trying to make a 13 year old girl look like a mature woman.

So what can a Mom do?

Practice modesty yourself. Be an example.

"Make a new goal for yourself - and help your tween daughter establish the habit of spending more time in God's Word each day than she does in front of the mirror. It's easy - if you spend 15 minutes getting ready each morning, you need to spend 15 minutes with God. If you spend 30 minutes painting your face and spraying your hair, you need to spend 30 minutes with God." {double gulp}. That sure is convicting!

Dannah also lists out several "Truth or Bare" tests that are great ways to see how modest your tween's clothes {and your own} really are. This is a great way to talk about her body and how it is precious and beautiful, but it is also private and to be saved for when she is older and married. It is a gift for her Prince Charming.

How will you pass the Truth or Bare tests? I dare - no double dog dare - you to click over to her website and see how your outfit checks out.


I am so thankful for the wisdom in this book! Have you been reading along? What are your views on screen time and modesty? Will there be any changes made around your house?

What did you expect?

Now that the summer book club {you can read about that over HERE} is over (don't worry, I'll post the last blog posts as soon as I locate my book - lol!), I am picking up another book, "What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage " by Paul David Tripp.

This book is SO convicting!

I wanted to share what I read this morning:

Page 77 {emphasis added}

It is a GRACE to be willing to listen and consider criticism and rebuke. It is hard to see ourselves with clarity and hard to accept what we see when we do. It is so easy to be defensive.

All of us carry inside ourselves an inner lawyer who is easily activated and quickly rises to our defense. We've all been in one of those moments when someone is pointing out some wrong in use, and although we are not speaking aloud, we have already begun a silent defense of ourselves against what they are saying. As they are pointing to evidence of a need for change, we are marshaling evidence that we are not, in fact, the person they contend we are.

It takes GRACE to be ready to listen and willing to hear.
It takes GRACE to quiet our mind, to focus our attention, and to settle our heart so that we can actually receive the help that God is offering us in that moment of unexpected confrontation.


Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved {and continues to sanctify} a wretch like me.

Keeping the Little in Your Girl Pt 5

This week we discussed Chapters 6 and 7 from Dannah Gresh's, "Six Ways to Keep the "Little" in Your Girl ". Wow! I say that for every chapter {have I mentioned this is a great book?}

 

Chapter 6 is about finding the right toys for your daughters. The suggestion is toys without limits to allow more creative play. Great suggestion!! Remember that during these tween years, the girls' brains are developing and this creative play helps that process.


"Time spent playing make-believe, dress-up and building things with sticks, twigs, and blocs actually helps children develop a critical skill called executive function." "Executive function performs many different things in a human being,  but one of them is to self-regulate - or to appropriate moral behavior and values."


Self-regulating - wow, that's a novel concept. To be able to control oneself. I see the need for that all over the place {including in the mirror}. One study dealing with self-regulating {self-control} measured how long a child could stand still. Can your children stand still? Let's just say it is a struggle for mine. lol!


In the 1940s an average 5 year old could stand still for 3 minutes and a child over 7 could stand still for an indefinite period of time. WOW! Can you guess what those numbers are today? An average 5 year old cannot stand still for even a minute and a 7 year old can stand still for about 3 minutes. That is a huge difference!


So I put my daughter {almost 7} to the test. The first time she made it 30 seconds. The second time she made it about 90 seconds. The third time {after I told her it was a contest} she lasted 4 minutes 15 seconds. Hooray!! I think this is a skill we will work on regularly. :)


This chapter also talked about the right kind of dolls our daughters should have. Here is the big question....


How do you feel about Barbie?


Let's just say that Dannah Gresh has a strong opinion and I'd have to say a valid opinion. Barbie is a doll that has "consumerism" written all over her. She is a marketing tool - and she is good at her job! But do we want our daughters to fall prey to marketing schemes so early? Besides that, she is a doll with limits. Due to her sexualized "attributes", she limits the way our girls play with her.


"When our daughters play with cute, nonsexual dolls, they tend to let imaginative play loose. They role-play and create, giving muscle to their executive function. But when our daughters play with dolls that have a more seductive or beauty-based nature, they tend to be more confined in their imaginative play. Their play generally leans toward "seduce the boy". "The more a girl plays this way, the more she'll focus on looks and coquettish behavior, and the less time she'll spend doing the open ended activities kids need. It puts her on a conveyor belt to early sexualization."


Whoa! Even though I played with Barbie when I was young, I have not been a fan of her for my daughters; this just reinforces my decision. In our group discussion, we had others who felt differently and I can see their point as well. I think a lot of it is how your daughter is playing with the toy. Do you hear her playing "seduce the boy" or "get the boyfriend" or do you hear her playing house, doctor, librarian, veterinarian?

Although what happens if/when you do start hearing her play more "romantically" with Barbie and Ken? Do you take it away?


One of my very favorite people / dolls / animal friends are the Calico Critters . Have you seen them? They are little animal families and they are the farthest thing from a Bratz doll. Both of my girls will take and play with these little friends in all sorts of scenarios. Tonight, my youngest (3 yr old) ran to the bedroom after bath to play with the Mommy Guinea Pig and all the babies (rabbits, cats, penguins, guinea pigs). It looked like she was playing "The old lady that lived in a shoe".

Chapter 7 suggests how to talk with your daughter about her upcoming period. Have you even thought about that yet? My daughter will be 7 next month, so I hadn't really considered it, but Dannah has a beautiful way of sharing this new milestone of life.

She says that this is a way to celebrate the gift that God has given us as women to be able to have babies. Celebrate! Is that a word you think of when you think of that monthly cycle? It isn't for me, but the way that she puts it in the book makes it so beautiful!

In our society, it is an unfortunate thing that being a mother, especially a SAHM, is not a position of respect. Most young women dread the idea of being a Mom and would rather chase after a career than toddlers. In a survey of "1200 Christian teens, the vast majority of them did not want to be mothers and felt motherhood should be a goal secondary to the dreams they had for a career." These are Christian teens. This breaks my heart.

So what a great opportunity you have as a mother to celebrate her period and to use it to help motivate her to to want to be a Mom someday. Dannah lists all kinds of ways to do this, but I won't give them all away. You gotta read the book, too!


One thing we are thinking of doing this fall, just to get the conversation started about how babies are born and all, is to visit a local dairy farm. I am told that they have regular births - like multiple each day - and everyone just piles into the birthing barn to witness a calf being born. How awesome!! I cannot wait - although I am a little  nervous for the plethora of questions I'll get from my daughters {Lord please help me}.

So what toys do your girls play with? Will you be giving some away to Goodwill after reading this chapter? How long can your daughter (or son) stand still?

Have you had "the talk" about puberty and the monthly visit from Aunt Flo yet? How'd that go? I'd love to hear what you think.