Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Keep the Little in Your Girl Pt 7

"Six Ways to Keep the "Little" in Your Girl" - Dream with her about her Prince.

"68 % of Christian girls {public, private and homeschooled} say they'd be happier if they had a boyfriend"

"Approximately 50% of 16 year old girls are sexually active and an overwhelming percentage are boy-crazy."

"Here's the challenge: You want to keep her off the boy-crazy train while at the same time developing within her a love for marriage. How do you do this?

You do it by being positive about boys and telling her about what she can have in the future - not by being paranoid about boys and telling her what she can't have now. Dream with her about the pure relationship God wants her to have one day, and teach her that the beauty of that relationship depends on how she lives today."

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
{Proverbs 31:10-12}

Have you ever noticed that it says "all the days of her life"? That means when she is 5, 13, 18, and 25. That includes the time before she even meets her husband. How can she possibly bring her husband good when she is just a little girl?

"That may mean not being boy-crazy when she's 8, or giving her heart away to guys when she's 13, or giving her body away when she's 16."

I never thought of it that way but it makes perfect sense. Of course it does, it is from the Lord, right?

So don't condemn her for thinking boys are cute, just use that energy to get her dreaming of the plan that God has for her. We know He has a perfect plan!

One thing that Dannah stresses is communicating the rules and values you and your husband have for the family before the time comes when you need to enforce them. This helps your daughter to know where the boundaries are {and why} before she wants to out with that guy on a date {or do whatever else...}.

She suggests having "the talk" about the birds and bees before your daughter is 10 {whew, I have some time!}. The exact age depends on what your child is exposed to. One thing to consider is, "by ten or eleven years, many children who have not received adequate instructions about the facts of sexuality become disturbed and worry about what is real. They usually have heard bits and pieces of facts from peers." {Jimmy Hester, founder of True Love Waits}

The greater the chance that your daughter may hear about sex from peers {public school, older siblings}, the younger you need to have "the talk". You do not want your timidity on the subject to create confusion in your daughter.

"Talking to your children about sex
between the ages of six and ten
isn't a moral choice,
it's a strategic choice.
It is much easier to build a sexual value system
from the ground up
than to dismantle untruths and rebuild."

A Connecting Mom is not a Perfect Mom.

I loved this chapter! After reading this book, I got the feeling that the author did everything perfectly and that it is a goal that is unachievable by me - regular Mom who fails on a daily basis.

This chapter is about being that regular Mom. It is about how we all fail, but with God's grace and help, this can happen.

But only with the power of God. So we need to be fervent in our prayers for our daughters and ourselves as their parents. We need to seek His ways {even in our own walks} and avoid what the world declares "popular".

How old were your kids when you had "the talk"? Did it go well? This is one thing that makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I know that it is much better to have open lines of communication so I will just put a bag on my head and force the words out. ha ha! I actually do think I'll use some books to help with the conversation and be reading some of the additional resources that Dannah lists in the book.

If you have a story - I'd love to hear about it!! Please, please comment. :)


  1. I love the idea of building a good foundation, rather than having to destroy falsehoods and rebuild. My dear mom still can't talk about sex. :)
    At the age of 15 I read that verse above, in a popular book about purity and it really changed a lot of my thinking.

    1. My Mom can hardly talk about the "s" word either! I see how this made it very difficult for me to make wise choices (I was just told it was wrong to have sex before marriage but never "why") and I want to be more transparent with our girls. What was the book you read about purity? Sounds like a good book!

      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Hi! Thank you for posting this--now I really want to read this book! I came across your link at Time-Warp Wife. I just recently had 'the talk' with my 10 year old daughter. She was going to start public school for the first time and I knew that she would hear a lot of things about sex, a lot of WRONG information. So, I wanted her to get the facts in a safe environment from someone who loves her very much--Me! :) It went well, I thought. She was receptive and asked a lot of questions. We only went where I thought she was mature enough to handle it. I told her what God says about saving ourselves for who we marry and some of the consequences of having sex when you aren't married. I'm so glad that we established that line of communication. It wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be, for either of us.

    1. That's awesome that it was a pretty easy conversation! I am sure this book by Dannah (and she has other books as well on the same subject). Yes, your daughter was bound to hear bits and pieces about sex at school and hopefully now that you have had "the talk" with her, she'll want to tell you about what she hears. What a great Mom!

      Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Hi Dana! Thanks for stopping by A House and Yard today.

    I enjoyed your post! As a mother to five kids, four of them being girls, I can totally relate! My girls are now 26, 23, 18, and 17. "The talk" went differently with each of them and at various ages depending on questions asked, whether or not I was pregnant again :-) (How did the baby get in there, Mom?), or whatever else. Yeah, it can be awkward, but so worth plowing right in there.

    The thing to remember is the conversation with our daughters is nonstop. With each new stage in their lives there are new topics for conversation. I have had what I might consider more than far share of uncomfortable talks with my girls. The payoff is your daughter will know early that she can trust you with the "hard stuff," she will be more comfortable to ask you questions, and it will be less awkward for you when she is older and you really need to provide guidance. ;-)

    Embrace the parenting adventure!! God bless!

    1. Great advice - it is a NONSTOP conversation with our daughters! I still talk to my Mom about so much stuff! Great reminder!

      Thanks for stopping b!

  4. I couldn't agree more! So many of my friends seem to avoid "the talk" because they want to keep their daughter innocent. Avoiding it robs you of the ability to control the content of the message and may actually lead to harm because they have no context for what they are exposed to-- and it happens younger these days! I blogged about my experience with my then-5-year-old here: http://www.4iampersuaded.com/2012/08/03/you-can-talk-to-your-child-about-gasp-s-e-x/

  5. Thank you for stopping by and I can't wait to read about your experience! On my way over...

    Blessings. :)


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