Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My Marriages - Part 1

If you are reading this, I am guessing you are Wife and and maybe even a Mom. Think back to when you were dating your now husband. Rainbows and sunshine, right? Ok, so there might have been some bumpy spots in dating, but you just knew it would be perfect once you were married.


So is it perfect now that you are married? Or is it a lot harder than you originally anticipated?


I'm guessing that since it involves two sinners living under the same roof, that it was an "adjustment". Learning to include someone else in your life decisions and including that special someone in all future plans and dreams.


I am going to tell you about  my two marriages (yes I am divorced). I went through  a lot of 'adjustments'. Some aspects of both marriages are very similar and at the same time, very different.


1. Both marriages started off with two unbelievers. Each was on the path of the fool -  living for self and their own pleasures. Each person did what made them happy and if it didn't make them happy, they didn't do it. The good news was that, they were on the same foolish path of making each other happy (equally yoked on the path towards destruction).

The wise store up knowledge,
but the mouth of a fool invites ruin

Proverbs 10:14

The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.
Proverbs 14:1

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.
Proverbs 12:15

2. The other thing both marriages had in common was SIN. (In regards to sin, I will only speak for myelf) In both marriages, I had certain sins that I held close and refused to let go. I stroked these sins. I loved them. They were my precious. The sin was more important to me than either husband.  I was selfish. I was controlling and nagging when I didn't get my own way. I craved attention from other men (and when that didn't come from my husband, I sought it from other men). I worshipped at the idol of "partying" and "all in the name of fun."


There is a huge difference in the outcome of these two marriages.


Obviously since I am divorced, you know that is the final outcome. But let me tell you more.


The first marriage seemed fun, very fun! We had great friends and were out having a ball most of the time. But I started to be unhappy. I had a girlfriend who was just as far away from God as I was - and I was taking advice from her. She was always telling me that I deserved so much more and that I had "settled" when I had gotten married. I started believing this lie. I was becoming very unhappy. I am not blaming her, but it was a huge influence on my thought process (this is why it is so important to surround yourself with godly, wise friends).


We were attempting to get pregnant. This was taking a lot longer than either of us had anticipated. But finally, FINALLY, we were expecting. We told everyone the great news. Then we went to the doctor, had the first ultrasound and realized we weren't pregnant. It was a blighted ovum (your body just thinks it is pregnant, but there is no baby inside). I was devastated! Not only did I have to go through the pain of the d&c, I had to face all those people that we told about the baby. Months later, I was still running into people that wondered why I wasn't showing.

I had to escape, so I did, right into drinking, partying and getting more and more attention from men that were not my husband. When I was alone with myself and how I was feeling (empty and hurt), I was miserable. These escapes temporarily made it all go away. Temporarily is the key word. What it actually did was cause more pain.

My marriage was falling apart. For a girl who swore she married for life, divorce was a devastating thought. But it happened. I was a total train wreck now.

I had a new man - and this time I swore it'd be different. I was going to control the entire situation and that way it wouldn't fail.  Yeah right.

More about this relationship coming soon. 
Check back for part 2....

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3 comments:

  1. Girl! I think you just described my first marriage!!! (With the exception that I did have a child)...Can't wait to check back for the next post! Each time I read your posts, I laugh because we seem so similar! LOL!

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  2. It is funny that we have so much in common! I just popped over to your blog for a quick reminder of your face/family/story....and here are just a couple more:
    - Raynauds, hopefully adopting soon, food aversion / allergies (ours are eggs, dairy and mostly soy free) and of course, 2 beautiful daughters. :) It is great getting to know you out here in virtual land - and as a Sister in Christ part of one big family. :)

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  3. Goodness!!! Too bad we didn't live closer :)

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