Friday, September 30, 2011
My Marriages Part 2
So here we go. Remember my first marriage ended in disaster after being together for over 8 years.
With my new husband....well, let's step back a few paces....
We did not exactly 'date'. There was not a courtship where a mutual relationship of love and trust grew. We did not seek the Lord in prayer and find out if He wanted us to continue in our relationship (I am pretty sure at this point God would have had a LOT to say about our "dating"). That would be the ideal way to begin a relationship.
I was dealing with a lot of pain from the divorce (well, maybe it is better described as 'suppressing' because I wasn't dealing with any of it) and took a lot of that out on him. There were brief times that we spent together that were nice, very nice, but we usually ended up arguing about something. I was very dominant and my poor man was crawling into a shell. It turns out that he did love me so much that it seemed worth it to put up with my harsh tongue. Oh boy.
Around Thanksgiving, we were actually broken up. I was the type to kick him to the curb but as soon as he started to get up and move on, I'd reel him back in. I was pretty horrible (and this is really hard to confess).
But, we were both feeling lonely on that lovely holiday weekend full of turkey and shopping - and what do you know - God thought that we should be a family.
In a strange sort of way, I was relieved. I was happy to not be out trying to find someone new. I mean, this guy did say that he grew up in church and now that we were having a baby together, that'd be a great quality in a Dad.
Since he grew up in church, he was a Christian, right?
Since I went to church when I was younger and was even baptized, I was a Christian, too, right?
We ended up getting married after our darling daughter was born (on Thanksgiving weekend) and we lived happily ever after....not!
That's when the real fun began!
Repeat first marriage. We are behaving the same way. Sin, sin, sin. By the time our daughter is just over a year old, we basically hate each other. We aren't speaking to each other. We are really considering just getting divorced. I mean, wouldn't that be best for our daughter. She shouldn't have to grow up where her parents are arguing all the time.
God intervened in a big way.
A slip of the knife (I won't provide the details of why he had a knife (aka bone saw), because it is kind of gross), and now my husband needs to go to the ER at 5 am to repair 2 cut tendons in his hand. He has to keep his hand elevated as much as possible and is in a cast for 6 weeks (if I remember right).
He needs me - and he was humble enough to say that out loud. He said he thought God allowed this to happen to keep us together.
I am not sure when it happened, but we both made a commitment to the Lord. We began reading our Bibles. We began listening to Christian radio and many, many online sermons. In time, we both became committed followers of Jesus Christ.
This is where the real change happened. Our perspectives had completely flip flopped. Our commitment to each other is now based on the love and forgiveness we have gotten through Jesus.
Jesus died on the cross and paid the penalty for all of my sins - all of them! There is not a single sin that God will not forgive me for - how can I withhold forgiveness from my husband for anything?
I am a rotten sinner who still struggles with many sinful thoughts and deeds, but Christ loves me anyway, now and forever. How can I say that my husband has done or will do anything to make me stop loving him.
Does he still do things that drive me nuts? Yes. Is he perfect? No. But our marriage will be solid because the foundation is different.
I can see that we have grown in our love for the Lord and our love for each other by leaps and bounds. It is all because of God and all for His glory. If not for God, we would not be together. I have proven that I am to self-centered to put the work into a marriage to make it last.
The foundation in my first marriage was fun, fun, fun. Whatever felt good - all in the name of fun. Movies, food, 4-wheeling, camping, drinking, partying, family and friends. Well, fun is temporary and fleeting.
My new marriage has Christ as the foundation and we know that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Christ is the solid rock. Who could have a better foundation than solid rock?
So what is your marriage built on? Do you have a similar story? If you wanted to share it, I'd love to read it. If you are going through something difficult, I'd love to also pray for you.
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”